Well, some of them are true...
There are many glamorous occupations people pursue — movie star, doctor, satire writer… but perhaps the most prestigious and sought-after line of work is that of being a pastor. Though many want such a job, few are qualified. Do you meet the requirements?
The Babylon Bee has compiled the following helpful list of the nine more important qualifications to become a pastor:
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Must be perfect and never make a mistake: Everyone knows pastors never do anything wrong.
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Must be thin enough to not be a glutton but fat enough to not be hot: You don't want to be morbidly obese, but you don't want to distract anyone with your handsomeness.
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Must always jump out the nearest window if ever in the same room with a woman while no one else is present: This is known as the Billy Graham Rule.
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Must be able to survive on a diet made up solely of casseroles: Some may be better than others.
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Must be willing to work weekends, weekdays, nights, mornings, afternoons, and holidays: Marriage counseling experience, theological knowledge, and carpentry skills are also preferred.
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Must be willing to drive a 20-year-old vehicle and never flash your wealth: White pastors only.
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Must enjoy attending 12 funerals per week: Be aware, you'll probably be expected to say something at all of them, too.
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Must possess a willingness to suffer all things for the sake of the Gospel: Including weekly conversations with Steve.
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Must have read the Bible at least once: This one is kind of important.
If you check all of the boxes listed above, you may have what it takes to be a pastor. Just make sure you're a Christian first.
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